i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
