I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
