So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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