By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
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