You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
