I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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