and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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