Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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