Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Randomize
