I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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