Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
