I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
