He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
