I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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