i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
zippers are such a cool invention
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
