I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
