Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
