I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
