There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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