Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
