you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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