She's JV to your varsity
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize