That's intense
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
