...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
