I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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