Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I could fuck to npr.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
