oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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