Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
