Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
