I accidentally had phone sex last night
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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