Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
