we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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