Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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