I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
