I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
