I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
