She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
