he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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