If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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