oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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