Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
