goodnight i made you a song goodbye
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
