based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
