Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
