What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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