pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
