somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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