there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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