you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
