So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
