booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
