I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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