question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
