When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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