zippers are such a cool invention
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
