I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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