DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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