gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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