we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
