PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
