and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
