Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize