Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i came on her dog
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
