meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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