No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
