Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
