She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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