I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
