y did u give ur computer a hand job?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
