If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
