dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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