i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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