Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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