You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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