wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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