It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
