what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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