i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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