Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
