what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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