Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
