Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
