What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
