I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
