She's JV to your varsity
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize