You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
