oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize