What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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